Two days ago I walked into a piercing shop and spontaneously re-pierced my nose and introduced a brand new septum piercing to my face. To some people this may not seem like anything unusual, especially those of us who live in Portland, Oregon. Tattoos and piercings are a normal everyday accessory in this town. For me, there is something deeper. It means I am coming back to myself; re-infusing my life with where I began. This is not to say that where I was just a few months ago was a bad place; it was just a place where growth was begging to be allowed.
Everything Johnny and I took on over the last 7 years of our marriage was evoked by honest intentions. Our desire to serve and care for others was the core of our union but the truth remained: we were young and naïve. We allowed our wellbeing to take the backseat and we took on too much weight. For a while we thought the state of the world was in our hands. And while I haven’t let go of the desire to live a life that takes that into account, it wasn’t our burden to bear alone. We felt isolated from our spiritual friends as we took a very narrow path. This stems from my childhood growing up in the church. I was taught extensively about how to be a servant but not how to set boundaries. This is a common issue in Christianity as I see people give everything they have for others and feel guilty for taking care of themselves. Did we forget that Jesus sat down and ate nice meals with friends? Or that he commonly went off on his own into nature? I love the foundation I received as a child but as I’ve become an adult I’ve had to learn how to instill healthy boundaries. Many people have seen what happens when you don’t take time for yourself and only serve others: BURNOUT. This is what happened with Johnny and I. We tried to live out of our ideals without the boundaries and ended up resenting our situation. I will spare all the details of our situation and give you the bullet points: -Johnny and I have only lived alone for a few months in our marriage -We have had 27 roommates in 6 years -We have hosted over 100 people in our house -Meanwhile our house was fully ripped apart with no kitchen for 3 of those years The first time we realized we needed to do something for ourselves was when I miscarried a pregnancy 2 months in. This was during a time where we had no kitchen and people were living and staying with us. Ultimately I am an introvert who does not like to be around people during emotional times. This was awful for me. I told Johnny that it was finally time we do something for us. This led us to planning a 2-month pilgrimage to South Africa. During that trip we were inspired to come home and save up to buy land. Unfortunately this meant we continued to live with people in order to save more money for that dream. Now that we own land we realize it may not have been worth the neglect we showed ourselves for 7 years. My neglect also brought on my allergies. The stress of the house coupled with all the dust and mold I was breathing in during the remodel triggered my hereditary predisposition to allergies. Thankfully nutrition and self-care has saved me from that “life sentence” but I don’t ever want to go back to that place. That said the time is now. It’s the year of Johnny and Bailey and we’re coming in hot. We have never really allowed ourselves any luxuries so a few of the things we’ve done for ourselves so far: -Johnny bought me a massage for my birthday -We got gym memberships so we can go sauna at night -We’re extending our tiny house in the backyard so we can fully live in it and are separate from roommates. Up until now we only used that space to sleep in and as our living room. Now we will have all the amenities. -We are both letting ourselves relax more and do things we love…just because -Johnny has bought “new” clothes and started dressing how he likes. -I have cut my hair off for a change and pierced my face. Also, we began confronting things and people in our life that we’ve been avoiding. We are being more communicative with the people in our lives and setting healthy boundaries so we don’t slip back into the place we were. These may seem like simple little things but it’s all helping us go back to the chill people we were before we tried to take on everything. I will always want to be a servant in my life but if I speak of the importance of self-care and boundaries then I need to put that into practice. I felt like I lost my power over the last 7 years. I felt like I lost a part of myself that I love. These simple piercings are another reminder that I have some control in my life and that I don’t have to withhold “luxuries” from myself anymore. These simple acts make me feel more like myself, more in love with my husband, more in control and more able to help others because I first cared for myself,
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Many of us, as children, were advised to choose our friends wisely. Throughout my schooling, it was common knowledge among my peers who the “trouble-makers” were. Had I begun to gravitate toward these kids, I’m sure my mother would have stepped in with some words of warning. Similar advice was given in church. I can remember viewing my friendships with “non-believers” as primarily serving the purpose of conversion. My goal was to be a good influence, in hopes that they too might accept Jesus as their savior. Whether this advice was explicit or not, I cannot say. It was certainly my understanding. While I now see missionary-friendship as problematic on many levels, the advice I was given was sound. As I reflect on my life over the past seven years, my marriage serving as the point of demarcation, I realize that the purveyors of such advice were right. As I understand it, the point of such advice was to protect me from “bad” influences. It turns out that the people we choose to spend our time with end up having a great deal of influence on us. Sometimes that influence solidifies us in our values and beliefs. Other times, much to the chagrin of my childhood authority figures, we find ourselves thinking and believing the very things they were trying to protect us from. Like much religious instruction, the source of this guidance is fear.
Growing up, most of my friends were from church-going families. The town in which I lived had, at one time, more churches per capita than any other U.S. city. The odds were in my favor. After moving to the “big city”, I was exposed to a far more diverse crowd. The evangelical mindset I moved with persisted. Living in the city provided, so I thought, many more opportunities for “sharing the gospel” than the small town I had moved from. I was in heaven, or hell rather. Just as feared, mixing with the heathens was not without its consequences. The short version of the story is that I now find myself with a worldview vastly different, in some ways, from that in which I was instructed as a child. The ways in which my past and present worldviews do not differ are significant. As I was taught, my goal in life is to be a loving, humble, generous, and caring person, the life and teachings of Jesus being a source of inspiration and guidance in this endeavor. The primary difference is the manner in which I hold my worldview. Before, I held my beliefs in a closed hand, fists clenched tightly. As clenching tightly will do, this stressed me out. As far as I knew, there was a single right way for me to live my life, and I was going to figure it out. I am fairly confident in saying that my departure from a fundamentalist understanding of reality has been the single most beneficial change I have ever undergone. Becoming somewhat comfortable with the infinitely complex, mysterious nature of the world, god, the universe, and reality, has been so much more rewarding. I have finally succeeded in my quest for an answer to every question: most often it is “I don’t know.” To repeat the advice I was given, choose your friends wisely. If you’d like to maintain your worldview, values, and beliefs, stay away from people who don’t share them. A former housemate of ours has a pug that wears a pink bowtie. I can assure you that this friend does not fit the stereotype you might attach to a person who dresses up their animal. The bowtie was actually a gift from Bailey. She purchased it from an acquaintance. He was peddling them on the sidewalk outside of the café where I work. A couple weeks later I saw him again. This time he was selling homemade coloring books; each page depicted a different scene from somewhere in Portland. Now genuinely curious, I asked him something to the effect of, “What, other than selling coloring books, have you been up to lately?”
“Putting up lightning rods,” was his reply. “You mean literally installing lighting rods on buildings,” I pressed. “Just trying to get struck by lighting,” He said. “If you want to get struck by lightning, you have to put up lightning rods.” I sensed the metaphor in his words. He went on to briefly explain that he had been trying out a lot of different things, hoping to find one that worked. The first time I had seen him, it was dog bowties. That endeavor was somewhat successful, at least according to some metrics. The bowties are available at a number of local pet shops. Now, coloring books were being put to the test outside the grocery store. As I was ultimately there to buy food, his brief explanation was all I got. Despite the lack of elaboration, this exchange of words had a profound effect on me. I found myself thinking about it the entire drive home. I immediately told Bailey about it when I got there. Getting struck by lightning is a highly unlikely occurrence. If that is your goal, standing on top of a hill with a long metal pole, in an area with a high frequency of lighting storms, will go a long way to improve your odds. The prospect of owning land did, at times, feel as likely as getting struck by lightning. The reality is that success, in our case, would involve far less luck. But, luck being involved, we wanted to improve our odds any way we could. The flyers we distributed, ads we posted, and letters and emails we sent, all acted as “lightning rods.” Lightning, as it were, struck in the form a phone call that we received in response to one of the letters we had sent. Hearing the name given on the phone, I referred back to a list I had made. Matching the name to a property on the list, I was elated. I recalled a conversation between Bailey and I that occurred a little over a week prior. Sitting at my computer, looking over the county’s interactive map, I motioned for Bailey to come have a look. “This property would be perfect,” I said, pointing to a twenty-acre parcel on the map. It was the owner of that very parcel that had responded to our letter. Actually, it was a woman with whom he lived, calling to inform us that he was out of town, but would be getting in touch with us upon returning. It was less than a week later that we were able to first speak with the property owner. As a result of another “lightning rod” we had erected, we were staying in a cozy vacation rental, free of charge. We became acquainted with the rental’s owner while visiting a friend who had recently purchased a parcel of land nearby to the one we were interested in. The fact of his purchase, I learned from a conversation with another acquaintance that had recently moved to the area. Upon recommending that we speak with this friend of hers, we learned that he was also a friend of mine, and had recently done the very thing that we were seeking to do, in the same locale nonetheless. We first visited this friend’s property while he was working on a project with his friend. Learning that we were often in the area, that friend offered us his vacation rental, as often as it was available. That was where we found ourselves the night of our first conversation with the landowner. We were informed that, due to circumstances in his life, he was quite happy to receive our letter. He had recently been considering selling the property and was delighted to have an offer dropped in his lap. His only reluctance was our young age. I tried my best reassure him, making him aware of my real estate broker’s license and probably doing my best to sound mature. Being acquainted with many people of my own age, I can understand his concern. In that first conversation, we discussed some possible terms and identified some actions for each of us to take in the upcoming weeks. He would speak with a financial advisor in order to determine whether he should carry a contract, or take full payment from our lender. I would conduct a comparative market analysis to determine a fair price. The days and weeks that followed were, in storytelling terms, not all that exciting. We, of course, were very excited. I should mention that the day prior to that first conversation, the woman we had initially spoken to, granted us permission to walk the property. We knew from the moment we stepped foot on the place that it was the favorite of all the properties we had seen. As it turned out, the bulk of my market analysis was conducted purely to confirm the suggestion of a veteran real estate agent in the area. Bailey and I have a habit of stopping at one the local coffee shops each time we are out in the area. It serves not only to satisfy our desire for coffee, but also acts a small step toward establishing ourselves in the community. On the same day that we had seen the property for the first time, we were again drinking coffee at a local café. Having spoken with the owner a number of times before, him being a fellow real estate agent, he approached our table and offered to introduce me to another agent he felt I would benefit from knowing. The man, to whom I was introduced, was gracious enough to listen as I explained our position, and generous enough to offer what guidance he could. The extent of his experience, combined with my delight in the price that he suggested, gave me little reason to want to prove him wrong. I relayed what I had learned to the property owner the next time we spoke. He took no issue with the price I suggested other than to express concern about the value of the timber on the property. He presented us the option of removing the timber prior to closing, or adding the value of the timber to the price. Later that week I was able to speak with a consulting forester. Like the real estate agent at the coffee shop, he too was generous in offering his guidance. He pulled up a satellite image of our property and offered a rough estimate of the property’s timber value. I again relayed this information to the seller and we agreed to add $8000 to the price. One reason I opted not to have the seller log the property prior to our purchase was that it would leave me free to manage the woods in whatever way I see fit. Additionally, our hope is to be able to harvest some of the timber ourselves, for use in building a home and outbuildings. Having decided on a price, I went about writing up a purchase and sale agreement. Generally, when a client wants to purchase a home, I simply fill their information into a boilerplate form, adding any details specific to that deal. Not having access to any Washington specific forms, I was left to write the contract myself. Through borrowing and combining language from a number of different forms, adding a bit of my own, and making some changes, I was able to produce a contract that satisfied our needs. I was quite proud of myself in the end. I found myself wondering whether or not I should have gone to law school to become a lawyer. As the seller, being the old school guy he is, did not have access to email, I sent the contract over to his secretary. A day or two later we had an official deal. From there, a simple email was all it took to open escrow and order an appraisal. The next step for us was to find out what we could about the water situation on the land. Without a potable water source, the value of the land, to us and to the market, would be drastically reduced. In an ideal world, we would have been able to drill a well prior to purchasing the land. Not having the estimated $30,000 for a well, we were left with fewer courses of action. Locating the well logs for a given area is a fairly easy task. While the wells on the surrounding properties are not superb, they are at least present, and contain potable water. The only other action we were able to take was hiring the local dowser. Dowsing, or witching for water is a strange folk method that seems to have been practiced for thousands of years. Opinions as to its efficacy are wide ranging. Given the limited nature of our options, we decided it is at least worth a shot. For $100, an old man resembling popular images of Santa Claus walked the perimeter of our field with a bent metal rod in hand. Holding the rod out in front of him, he would stop each time the rod swung to hit him in the chest. He would then kneel to the ground and hold a straight rod in both hands, letting it sway freely. As I understand it, the number of the times the rod moved back and forth and up and down would give him some indication as the potential depth and flow rate of a well drilled in that location. He decided on what he felt would be the best place to drill and we hammered a stake into the ground. The location he suggested happens to correspond to the place where the seller remembered his father thinking there would be water. While far short of a guarantee, it provides us with some feeling of hope. The last issue we worked on with the seller was that of easements and access. A four hundred yard dirt road connects the main road to our land. The dirt road passes over two other parcels. Access easements for both were already in place and were made available for our review in the title report. Where the road meets our property line, it turns ninety degrees south and offers access to a forty-acre parcel also owned by the seller. Knowing that we would want to improve this road, we set about negotiating the details of a road maintenance agreement, as well as how we would share the cost of improvements. Like the purchase contract, I wrote the road maintenance agreement myself. Once the bulk of the wording was in place, I sent it off to a local attorney for review. He formatted the document, made a few changes, and sent it off to our title agent for recording. In the end, the seller agreed to pay for $8000 of the estimated $10,000 cost of improving the road. The improvements will likely take place sometime this summer. While all of this was happening, Bailey and I made a number of trips out to the land. Each time, we worked down our checklist, doing our best to discover any potential problems. I studied maps of the area to ensure that there were no airports, quarries, landfills, or other such nuisances nearby. We met as many of the neighbors as we could. Additionally, we were able to experience the land during the worst weather of the year; from early in autumn, when the land was at its driest, to late in the winter, when it was covered in snow, and later at its wettest. One thing that we did not do, that I would recommend, it send soil samples in for testing. We had no reason to believe that the soil was in any way contaminated, thus it didn’t weigh heavily on us as a priority. Another neglected task was staying a night on the land. We had planned on doing this, but it ended up not working out. A couple of weeks later, we got the results of the appraisal. The property was valued at six thousand dollars over the price we were prepared to pay. This was good news to us and to our lender. The final thing required by our lender was approval from the county for installation of a septic system. Needing to know where to start in satisfying this requirement, we paid a visit to the county health department. Upon first entering the building, the unlocked door was the only sign that the place was even open. There was not a single person in sight. A small sign led us up the stairs to our destination, still no one to be seen. As we entered the room, making our way toward the reception desk, a woman came rolling around the corner in her office chair. “What can I do for you?” “We need to talk to someone about a septic system.” “Sure thing.” Only a moment later we were told to go around the corner and through another door. There we found the local health officer at his desk, a young man in his late twenties or early thirties. I tell this story only to contrast it with the experience I have had many times at the county offices in Portland. Getting anything there requires a trip to a busy office and generally a thirty-minute wait. Thus, as I sat and spoke with the man at the health department, I felt a little giddy. That initial feeling returned on the day we met him and the excavator out at the property. As they were well acquainted, having worked together many times, the whole process felt extremely relaxed. After the excavator had dug a hole, the officer would jump down into it. A visual inspection and a few smacks with a hammer were enough to satisfy him. Back into the hole went the soil, and we moved on to the next one. This process was repeated four times. All the while, the two men talked of unrelated local matters and made jokes. This also served as my opportunity to get a look at the soil for the first time. With all of the pieces in place, we made an appointment to sign all the documents at the title office. The feeling of that day is reminiscent of our wedding day, most of the excitement overlaid by a thick layer of surrealism. After signing the papers, we made the fifteen-minute drive from town out to the land. As expected, it was just as it had been the time before. But, like getting married, there was a fundamental change in our relationship to that land. Even now, having spent a number of nights camping there, we are getting used to a type of relationship we have never before experienced. As I stand at the high point of our field, it is thrilling to consider the prospect of making that place our home. Much stands between that reality and us. Like the purchase process, we will learn as we go, doing our best to be patient, seeking to enjoy every step we take along the way. I’m sure I have left out many details of this process. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to get in touch with us. -Johnny The following is the third part of an ongoing story. Part one can be found HERE. Part two can be found HERE. Professional skateboarder Ed Templeton, having heard his friends talk of getting high on “grass”, once smoked grass clippings from his backyard. I remember reading this story in a skateboarding magazine. I was in middle school at the time. In that interview, Templeton talks of the reasons for his success in skateboarding. He tells of how, in high school, while his friends focused their attention on girls, he stuck with skateboarding. While I am only a moderately good skateboarder, I took a similar approach in high school. I was able to foresee the eventual parting of ways that would take place with any girl I spent a significant amount of time with. Thus, while many of my friends spent time with their girlfriends, I was skateboarding. Searching for a piece of land involves similar emotional turmoil to what one might experience in dating. In getting married, Bailey and I opted not to wait until we had our proverbial “ducks” in a row. It’s a good thing, as our “ducks” have proven difficult to line up. The nature of purchasing land did not afford us this option. Minimum down payments, credit scores, and loan pre-approval were just a few of the ducks that had to be in a row before we could make the leap into land ownership. Despite this, like a hormonal teenager, we began looking at land well before we were ready to make a purchase. Many of our days were spent driving around in the area where we wanted to buy. By way of our ramblings, we found the confidence we would need to make the daunting decisions that lay ahead. With one important distinction, this is the approach I recommend. The distinction is between looking AT land and looking FOR land. The difference lies in the extent to which the emotions get involved. Prior to being ready to make an offer, one should only be looking AT land. By this I mean, assume that any land you look at will not be available once you are ready. This goes even for land that’s been on the market for nine years. I speak from experience. While magazines constituted the majority of my reading in middle and high school, my reading list today looks much different. One of the themes in my recent reading is that of goal setting. Those authors that advocate for goal setting seem to agree that goals should be as specific as possible. “Live on land” was the extent of our goal at the beginning. As we had very little income, “buy land” didn’t even occur to us as an achievable goal. If we were going to own land, we thought, someone was going to have to give it to us. Having started down the financial road that would lead us to land ownership, we set about adding some specificity to our goal. It was a fairly logical process. Some things we knew from the outset, having some understanding of what makes a good place to live. For example, we knew that we definitely didn’t want to live on a north-facing slope, in a floodplain, or on a soilless expanse of rock. The first question to which we lacked an answer was, “where?” Bailey and I were lucky enough to grow up in the Pacific Northwest. Both our parents live in the homes in which we grew up. We agreed that we didn’t want to move more than two hours away from our families. I sometimes envy those who live far away from their families for the freedom they feel to make home wherever they like. While this is a freedom to which we are entitled, it is not one of which we take advantage. The second constraint was, as I explained, our limited budget. As Bailey’s parents live within the metropolitan area, this limited us to the outer reaches of the radius we had drawn. Our desire to live on land grew out of a discontent with certain aspects of our current living situation. I write this from our living room, just steps from an extremely busy street. Most nights we are lulled to sleep by the drunken people at the bar next-door, unaware of the volume at which they’re speaking. The sound of garbage trucks and car alarms obscures the singing of birds in the morning. Each weekend, hundreds of people wait in a long line for biscuits, some opting to use our driveway as a place to discard their trash. Despite feeling like a misanthrope at times, there are things we like about living here. Walking a mere seven blocks brings us to our small grocery store where we can buy the special foods to which we’ve grown accustomed. Most things we need are within walking distance; good food, coffee, parks, and social events. Work is a fifteen-minute bike ride away. Living in the city provides us with a myriad of opportunities to make money. As the negative aspects of city living nudged us toward the country, the positive pointed us in the right direction. Coincidentally, it was alliteration of factors that enabled us to make up our minds: friends, food, and finances. Having decided not to move far from our families, we were assured that our friends would remain nearby. The hope of new friends attracted us to places inhabited by folks who shared our interests and values. These folks would also be the key to satisfying our other criteria. The presence of like-minded people meant access to good food as well as a potential market for our services. Like us, some of the people, who live in the small towns around which we focused our search, value health, fitness, food, and being outside. Other factors in our decision making process were beyond our control. Our budget practically guaranteed that we would not end up with prime agricultural land, an epic view, or hundreds of acres. I can remember my first day of kindergarten. Kyle and I took apart a typewriter, and I met my first school crush. Being afraid of talking to the girl I had a crush on, and knowing next to nothing about girls, physical appearance was the only thing I had to go on. By the time I met Bailey, I had developed a much better framework for what I wanted in a partner. The process was much the same with land. As we wandered about the countryside, we gained an increasing familiarity with the qualities that we were drawn to in a parcel. Additionally, we became well acquainted with the region and some of its idiosyncrasies. Alongside training our intuition in this way, I turned to books. Through reading, I put together a checklist that would serve as a way of evaluating a piece of land. Pairing the instinctive with the practical is a reflection of Bailey and my relationship, and served us well in achieving our goal. Turning onto the road that led out of town, we were always careful to note the time so that we could calculate how far we’d be driving, should we decide to make our destination home. The elapsed time constituted the first item on our checklist. Anything over twenty minutes tended to instill some hesitation within us. As we approached each property, my mind would continue down the list to item number two, access. Our search for one property took us through two miles of knee-deep mud. It was all I could do to keep breathing until we finally reached gravel. Another property took us down a long dirt road; our car straddling foot-deep ruts most of the way. These, we promptly eliminated from consideration. The rest of the checklist I address in the next portion of this story. I’ll suffice it to say that if a property seemed to satisfy the checklist, I would turn to Bailey, relying on her intuition to guide us further. We joke that Bailey is the CEO in our relationship. While the responsibility of due diligence rested with me, the real estate professional, she held the power of veto. Undeveloped land is a relatively slow moving market. Thus, we quickly exhausted the on-market possibilities in our price range. Upon receiving preapproval from our lender, there was only one property on the market that fit the bill. We immediately contacted the listing agent. As the property had been on the market for seven years, the swiftness of our actions was primarily a result of our eagerness. Two days into working on our purchase offer, the agent informed me that another offer had been submitted. He assured me that our offer would be considered provided he received it by the morning. Three hours later, that same evening, we learned that the offer had been accepted. Thus, our submission became a backup offer. What ensued was the emotional turmoil I mentioned earlier. The next few days found us agonizing over a number of other properties that would require serious compromise. We eventually decided on the route that I recommend to anyone, that of patience. By that I do not mean mere waiting. Instead of compromising, we began to explore more unconventional means of achieving our goal. Our next day off found us walking around town; posting “Land Wanted” flyers anywhere we could find a bulletin board. We continued with a practice we had begun earlier in our search, telling everyone we talked to that we were in the market for land. We posted ads on craigslist, and on the local Internet forums. I emailed over a dozen local real estate agents, informing them of our desire and requesting they keep us updated. Lastly, we spent an afternoon hand writing letters to landowners, asking if they were interested in selling. This tactic, a last resort for us, was one I had come across in my reading. In years past, the name and address of a landowner could be found in the county records. Today, many counties have online interactive mapping software that allows one to access this information easily. A simple click on any given property reveals its size, zoning, surveys, as well as its owner and their address. We mailed out a first round of six letters. That was the only round of letters we sent. Four of the six letters solicited replies. One of those replies resulted in the last part of this story, of which I will tell in part four. Read part four HERE. The following is the second part of an ongoing story. Part one, can be found HERE. For the first four years of our marriage, Bailey and I were considered by the government to be “living in poverty.” At the time of writing, the poverty line in our country is $16,020 for a couple. Throughout those first years of marriage, our income was comfortably within this limit. Despite that fact, our situation felt far from impoverished. The reasons for this are the ones you could likely guess. As a white heterosexual couple in good health, both with a loving, supportive family and community, we were far from struggling. I only mention this to give the reader an idea of our financial history. As I described in part one of this story, this situation was a direct result of our approach to money. Our first step in a different direction: toward our goals, was building our credit. The next step was to get serious about saving money. Saving money is a lot like going on a diet. Being in the business of diets, Bailey is familiar with the process. The first step for anyone seeking her help is to fill out a Nutritional Assessment Questionnaire. This form helps Bailey understand her client’s current status. It helps to remove the guesswork involved in providing helpful recommendations. Saving money is simply going on a financial diet. The process begins the same way. Starting today, find a way to document every cent you spend for the next thirty days. There are apps now that can help you with this, Mint being the one of which I have heard. I have always relied on good old-fashioned paper and pen. I carry this in my backpack or wallet. I suggest you track your income as well. Thirty days later, some simple math will provide you with what, I would argue, will your best tool for moving forward. This will act as your financial assessment questionnaire. You’ll now be making decisions based on real data. Being a naturally analytical person and a compulsive list maker, this is a fun project for me. I don’t expect everyone to relate. When I first completed this task, I broke down our spending into categories. The specific categories are only important inasmuch as they reflect your individual spending habits. Once I had our totals I was able to work through each category one at a time. My aim was to brainstorm ways that I could reduce or eliminate our spending within each category. Some categories require much more creativity than others. What gets measured, gets managed. I’ll refrain from making a list of all the possible ways a person could save money. Those lists can be found elsewhere. Instead, I’ll explain how we approached it. I’ll work toward emphasizing principles over specific tactics. The two sides of dieting are cutting out unhealthy foods and adding in healthy ones. The two sides of a financial diet are spending less and earning more. The best approach generally incorporates both. For us, earning more was the most helpful. It was also quite easy. After years of working odd jobs, a regular paycheck felt like winning the lottery. Had we not made a single change to our spending, we would have saved a fair amount. It required some creativity to cut our spending even further. Though not an obvious place to start, the first step we took was eliminating our rent. I had originally passed over this category in my brainstorming. I assumed paying rent was non-negotiable. Because we live in a house owned by my parents, we were able to explore some other options. Over the course of a couple months we converted the shed in our backyard into a cozy living space. The goats were living in it at the time, but they were happy to move out. Most of the materials being salvaged, the entire project cost us $700. The bedrooms in the house are rented for an amount sufficient to cover that which my parents require. We are left paying only our portion of the utilities. We’ve now lived in our backyard bedroom for over two years. Pictured below is the interior of that abode. It 8'x12' in size. Another category, to which a large portion of our spending is dedicated, is food. Food is, for us, the foundation of all that we do. Hence, we make few compromises in this area. Our spending in this category tends to be upwards of $800 a month. I include in that figure all of our food and beverages, whether consumed in or out of the house. We know firsthand the benefits of eating well. Shortly after we returned from two months in South Africa, Bailey developed serious environmental allergies. Some days would find her on the couch; exhausted, sneezing, nose running, her eyes itching and watery. Today she is 95% allergy free. This is a direct result of changes made to her diet. You can read more about that HERE. One unforeseen benefit of Bailey’s allergies was the forced elimination of alcohol from our routine. At the time, a few sips of alcohol would be enough to put Bailey in to the state I just described. Though we have never been heavy drinkers, consumption of alcohol is now a rare event for us. Eating out is another thing we seldom do. The scope of our diet limits us to less than a handful of restaurants to choose from. Additionally, the improved mental clarity, emotional stability, and physical energy gained from eating well make it worth every penny. Despite our lack of willingness to compromise, we have made some effort to save money in this regard. Almost a year ago, we learned a number of helpful things from an experiment with eating well on a limited budget. The details of that experiment can be found HERE. The remainder of our spending breaks down into much smaller categories. Though we haven’t made many drastic changes to our spending in these areas, we have continued in the habits formed during the earliest years of our marriage. I’ll make short mention of a few of them. Clothing Those who know me now might be shocked to find out that I won “Best Dressed” in my high school class. Today, I give little thought to the way I dress. Our closet is fairly minimal. The majority of our clothes are some shade of grey or navy blue. This dramatically simplifies picking out an outfit. The only clothes in our closet that have come to us unworn by a previous owner are socks, underwear, shoes, and those given to us. Any shopping we do takes place at second hand stores. I have begun to entertain the idea of dressing nicer than I do. I may experiment with this and write about it at a later date. The photo below is the extent of our closet. Transportation
Living in the city, we have the privilege of using a bicycle as our primary form of transportation. The first three years of our marriage were spent entirely without a car. Bailey’s parents gave us the car we now drive. We are careful to maintain it mechanically, in hopes that it will serve us for many years. We are less concerned about it aesthetically. The driver’s side quarter panel has been hit twice and left unrepaired, putting an extra $2500 into our pocket. Miscellaneous Having shared a home with almost thirty different people, we have spared many an expense in furnishing that home. The house we live in is generally in disrepair and quite shabby in many respects. This has limited us to selecting roommates from certain subcultures. Maintaining a neat, curated space has not been high on the list of priorities for our housemates. In general, we have made an effort to replace spending with skills. I have learned how to repair our car, appliances, electronics, clothing, and tools. Bailey has become a skilled cook, preparing almost all of our meals from scratch. She also makes much of what would be found in our medicine cabinet, if we had one. The backpacks we took with us to South Africa, we made from material found by a friend of ours in a dumpster. We try to look at every expense as an opportunity for learning a new skill. A reduction in spending is the primary focus of most content related to saving money. For many, this is the area that offers the most room for improvement. Being well versed in frugality, earning more was the primary thing that tipped the scales in our favor. In addition to finding regular employment, we sought out other ways to bring in more money. Bailey added part time work as a nanny to her schedule. I have occasionally taken on side work similar to that which I did before working at the café. It was the recognition of a significant opportunity that gave us the final boost we needed to get our loan preapproval. It our search for land, we met with a number of real estate agents. A friend reminded me of an agent that I met a few years prior. His skill set includes knowledge of small-scale agriculture and experience in assisting with the purchase and sale of real estate. This made him my number one pick. Unfortunately, I found out he had moved out of the state. We met with a woman whom he recommended. That sparked my curiosity regarding the steps involved to obtain one’s real estate license. Six weeks later, I was a licensed real estate broker. A woman who is a longtime regular at the café acts as my supervisor, that being a requirement of the state of Oregon. A prominent factor in my decision was the fact that my Grandma had long been planning to sell her home. The house is located in a highly desirable neighborhood in one of the fastest growing cities in the country. I’m referring to Southeast Portland. I was able to act as the listing agent for her house. The commission I earned from the sale was a substantial sum to us, and less than she would have paid any other agent. Every story of success involves some amount of luck. Critics are rarely hesitant to point out these elements. I believe this is often an attempt to excuse themselves of putting in the time and effort required to succeed. It is sometimes a justification of apathy and laziness. I freely admit that luck has played a role in our story. In part three, I’ll expand on this idea. I’ll also shed some light on the other important ideas that have been a great help to us. -Johnny Read part three HERE. I’ve spent most of my life intentionally limiting my vocabulary. I’ve long resisted the use of words found on lists with amortization, refinancing, or debt consolidation. I remember, as a child, hearing my parents use these words. I only knew that they were somehow related to money.
Limiting my use of such words was quite easy. I lacked a working definition for most of them. I didn’t know what they meant and hoped the need would never surface. Despite my long held hopes, I now find myself boring my wife with talk of interest rates, balloon payments, and tax consequences. The bright side of my expanded vocabulary is the twenty acres of land we now own (pay taxes on). Just over three years ago, we returned from two months in South Africa with $20 to our name and a pocketful of Swazi coins. Our journey from there to paying property taxes began with a major shift in my attitude toward money. If money were a river, it would arguably be the largest, strongest one in our society. My past relationship to money can be equated to a child trying to dam that river by stacking rocks gathered from the bank. I didn’t like the way that river was flowing and I managed only a meager effort to resist it. Many things I have learned have led me to a different approach. Continuing with the metaphor, I now take a "mill" approach. Instead of resisting the flow via dam, I seek to redirect a small part of it to accomplish some good in the way a mill uses flowing water to grind flour or cut lumber. The first step in my transition from dam to mill was acquiring a credit card. I became convinced that borrowing money might be helpful in accomplishing our goals. Anyone who would lend us a substantial sum of money would likely want to take a look at your credit score. One’s credit score is based on one’s involvement in what amounts to a game, the rules to which have been arbitrarily established by the agencies that issue the scores. You, like me, might think that having never needed to borrow money would work in your favor when you finally do. I can tell you for certain that is not true. To learn the rules of this game, have a look HERE. Until acquiring a mortgage, a credit card was our sole tactic in establishing and improving our credit scores. The reason being that it offered us multiple benefits without us having to alter our spending habits. I’ll describe the benefits later. As a side note, I should mention the head start that Bailey had in regard to her credit score. In high school she carried around a credit card associated with an account on which her mom was the principal cardholder. Bailey’s use of the card was limited to emergencies, while her mom used it more often. Over time, the responsible maintenance of a low balance on the account allowed Bailey’s credit score to rise with no effort on her part. Additionally, after high school, Bailey’s parents took out small student loans in her name that they quickly paid off. High fives to my in-laws. I would encourage all parents to investigate ways they can help give their children’s credit a kick-start. Like Bailey’s parents, if you find yourself able to maintain a credit balance low enough to positively impact a credit score, consider adding your child as an authorized user. Having said that, some parents should spare their children any association with their credit history. Having no credit history myself, and very little income, our first card came with a $250 limit. An all out shopping spree would have been manageable. The card was used for routine purchases, such as groceries. We were careful to pay our bill on time and never carried a balance. The next chapter in our credit saga began when I became officially employed. Until starting as a barista at Stumptown Coffee, I had pulled in enough income through working odd jobs. Living in the area where I had grown up offered the advantage of a large network of family and friends. Among this network I sought out most of my work. While not lucrative, I did gain a lot of skills. At times I would put an ad on Craigslist, offering my services as a handyman. I once had a man hire me to install siding on his house. While I stood looking at the house, trying to imagine the scope of a job I had never even attempted, he asked, “You ever do siding before?” “Never”, I replied honestly. “You’ll figure it out.” Transitioning to more a conventional form of employment, in addition to putting us above the poverty line for the first time, allowed us to secure a more beneficial line of credit. After thoroughly researching the options, I settled on the Barclay Arrival Card. For those who are interested, I’ll describe some of the reasons behind that decision. Bonus: For spending at least $3000 in the first 90 days, were able to accumulate $400 in reward points per card. As we each had our own card, we found ourselves with $800 in points. Because there are some large expenses, such as rent, which you can’t usually pay with a credit card, the frugal among you may find it difficult to spend the amount necessary to get the bonus points. Some creativity may be required. Flexibility: You’ve probably heard credit rewards referred to as miles. I’m not sure how rewards came to so intimately connected with travel. Even the card we chose offers superior benefits when redeemed for travel related expenditures. With that fact in mind, we chose the card we did because it was not connected to any one particular airline or hotel chain. While I don’t have any experience with it, I have read that the rewards offered by cards connected as such, can be quite difficult to redeem. Apparently, airlines will limit the dates and number of seats available on a given flight to travelers using rewards. In the case of the rewards offered by our card, they are applied after the fact as a credit on our bill. Thus, we are free to make any purchase we want, and redeem our reward points when we pay our bill. But, as I alluded to before, our reward points are worth twice as much when redeemed for travel related purchases. With that in mind, we have found creative ways to maximize those benefits. For example, Bailey rented a cabin for the weekend to act as the setting for a nutrition workshop she hosted. Because vacation rentals are travel related, we were able to cover that entire portion of the workshop expenses with reward points. Rate of Reward: At 2% (when redeemed for travel related purchases) the card we chose offers one of the highest rates of reward I could find. On top of that, when redeemed for travel related purchases, we get 10% of our points back. There are many websites that highlight and compare the available cards. One such website is nerdwallet.com. A simple search will lead you to the others. No matter what your goals, improving your credit score is probably a worthwhile endeavor. For more information along these lines, I recommend the first chapter of Ramit Sethi’s book “I Will Teach You To Be Rich” called “Optimize Your Credit Cards.” It can be read for free HERE. I like the subtitle to the chapter: how to beat the credit card companies at their own game. Thus far, we have accumulated over $1,500 in reward points and not paid a single cent of interest. We're definitely ahead in the game at this point. Keep an eye out for part two. There I will tell the story of how we managed to save $50,000 in three years. -Johnny Read Part Two HERE. We all know the blunt fact: sugar is bad for you, yet we don’t know how to curb our ravenous cravings for this white gold. The alluring sweets and treats enter our vision and waft into our noses on the daily, whether we have them in our household or not. We have to pass them in the grocery store when we’re stressed out and weak from a day at work or we have a child relentlessly tugging on our arm to buy them sugary snacks that we end up indulging in as well. We have to see magnificent cakes and pastries on the menu at restaurants and behind thin glass at our coffee shops. We have treats offered to us by friends and displayed freely down long tables at weddings, waiting for us.
The problem of sugar cravings goes incredibly deep. We’ve actually changed our taste buds by overpowering them with sweeter and saltier things than you could find in nature. This is because we’ve isolated sugar from the sugar cane plant. The sugar cane plant, believe it or not, is very high in minerals, this is the same with things like berries and fruit, they have sugar in them but they also have minerals, vitamins and fiber. When sugar is isolated it’s more intense and it damages our bodies when separated from it’s co-factors. The damage I am talking about comes in a few forms, the first is the elevation of blood sugar causing blood sugar dysregulation, fatigue, insulin resistance and diabetes. The second is something called glycation, put simply, this is when sugar and proteins react with one another to create “sticky” proteins that end up damaging body systems including the brain and our arteries. (think Alzheimers and congestive heart failure) So sugar is something we don’t want to mess around with or take lightly. The other day I was presented with a beautiful piece of cake. I thought to myself, I’ll try a bite! It was made with high quality ingredients and complex flavors. The first bite was good, the second bite was less appealing and by the third bite I couldn’t handle the sweetness. This is because I have trained my taste buds to appreciate the sweetness in natural things, like fruit or raw milk. The sweetest thing I eat is a Paleo Dutch baby (which is basically eggs, arrowroot flour, coconut milk, vanilla and lots of butter for cooking) with berries on top. I never add sweeteners, not even honey anymore. But guess what? I don’t miss sugar one bit, and I don’t crave it anymore. It’s possible for you to get here too! The problem is the food industry has made things sweeter and saltier every year so that our taste buds will change. Slowly but surely we are unable to resist unhealthy foods because of our intense cravings. But there is hope. Here are some steps: #1 Add in the Minerals/Vitamins/Amino Acids that your body really wants. To start, we should add in healthy foods that meet our deepest body desires for minerals, vitamins and satiation. A lot of times sugar cravings are caused by deficiencies. Here are a few possible deficiencies and which foods to start incorporating: Chromium: An essential nutrient for blood sugar regulation, an essential component of Glucose Tolerance Factor, which helps insulin bind to the appropriate receptor on the cell surface Functions in fat, protein and carbohydrate metabolism Found in: Broccoli, grapes, cheese, dried beans, calves liver, chicken Carbon: Fresh Fruits Phosphorus: Chicken, beef, liver, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes, grains Sulfur: Cranberries, horseradish, cruciferous vegetables, kale, cabbage Tryptophan: Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach #2 Add in Bone Broth soups. Bone broth is incredibly high in minerals. Because sugar cravings can be caused by mineral deficiencies, as I mentioned above, this is a must have in the diet. #3 Add in Healthy Fats. Fats are incredible for satiation and curbing cravings. Including these in your diet not only gives you more satiation but healthy fats actually slow the absorption of sugar into your blood stream so that you don’t have a blood sugar spike. Add these into your diet: Grass fed animal products like Lard and Butter, Coconut Oil, Avocado, Fish Oil, Etc. Healthy fats are long lasting energy sources that will curb your cravings and leave you feeling satisfied for much longer than a carb heavy meal. #4 Lower Carbohydrate intake: especially refined Carbs. Carbs actually turn into sugar in your body so it’s best to minimize those and get them in the form of vegetables and fruits. #5 Add in more of the other tastes. Because we have been overpowered by sugar and salt we should begin to incorporate more of the other flavors into our meals and switch our sugar and salt intake to what you see listed below. Surprisingly the bitter flavor can actually be helpful when trying to curb sweet cravings so start eating more bitter greens like Arugula. Sweet Fruit, grains, natural sugars, milk Sour Sour fruits, yogurt, fermented foods Salty Natural salts, sea vegetables Bitter Dark leafy greens, herbs and spices Pungent Chili peppers, garlic, herbs and spices Astringent Legumes, raw fruits and vegetables, herbs #6 Start tapering your sugar intake. It’s better to add in healthy, satisfying foods to begin supporting your body and changing your taste buds before removing processed, sugar-laden foods cold turkey. You will be much more successful if you do it this way. It can take 6 months for your taste buds to change so you’ll need to be patient. Week by week start removing your typical treats while incorporating all the foods I mentioned above. #7 Clean out your pantry and Have healthy snacks available. You can’t control the temptations once you leave the house, but you can control your pantry. Do a pantry clean out of all the unhealthy snacks and replace them with other options. If you don’t have options ready you are more likely to cave and go buy something. Some of my favorites to have on hand: -Hard Boiled Eggs -Apple and Nut Butter -Berries -Homemade Nut Granola with Grass Fed unsweetened yogurt -Bacon wrapped Dates #8 Accomplish other things when having sugar cravings. When you notice a sugar craving coming on, and you’re not hungry, go do something else epic. Write a poem, take a walk, go to the library and check out a book on a subject you really want to learn about. Use your sugar cravings to accomplish great things instead of giving into them. It will give your brain the much needed distraction AND you’ll be doing something beneficial for yourself. There is a lot more I can say about sugar and cravings but this is a good place to start. If you want to be like me, where you have your cake and you don’t want to eat it, then start implementing these steps. Sugar intake is made all cute in the form of pretty deserts, which are okay to indulge in once in a while, but when sugar rules our lives and we can’t control our craving we need to seriously consider a drastic change. For more help or support in this area contact me for a one on one consultation: forestandfieldnutrition@gmail.com Tags: Sugar Cravings, Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, Desserts, Holistic Health, Portland Nutrition Case Study: I had a random pain develop in my hand a few months ago that wouldn't go away. It was sharp and uncomfortable in certain positions i.e. shooting archery and gripping things. I had just recently finished my first batch of BONE Salve and decided I would try it out on myself. Within 24 hours the pain was gone! It's come back since then so this time I will be using my salve over a longer period of time in order to facilitate more lasting healing. The the main plant I use in the salve is called Comfrey, it's nick name is Bone Knit and it has been used for healing breaks and sprains with great success. Contraindications: Do not use on an open wound because it will heal it too quickly and trap bacteria inside. Do not use on a broken bone until it has set in place, again, it heals so quickly that it can heal the bone in the wrong position. I have my BONE Salve for sale HERE. I can do custom larger sizes as well. Diet:
-Bone Broth: High in minerals and amino acids -Raw Milk: High in Vitamin K, Calcium, etc. for rebuilding bones -No Sugar! This will steal minerals Supplements: -Fish Oil: High in Vitamin D for rebuilding bones: 500mg -Magnesium: 600mg -Vitamin C: 500-1000mg Herbs: Horsetail: Rich in Silicon. Chop it up finely and add 1tsp to a pint of water. Boil the water, add the herb, let it steep for a few minutes, strain and drink. Do this a few times a day. Heinerman's Encyclopedia of Healing Herbs and Spices has to say: No other herb in the entire plant kingdom is so rich in silicon as is horsetail. This trace element really helps to find protein molecules together in the blood vessels and connective tissues. Silison is the material of which collagen is made. Collagen is the "body glue" that holds our skin and muscle tissues together. Silicon also promotes the growth and stability of the skeletal structure. A few European clinical studies have determined that fractured bones heal much more quickly when horsetail is taken. The incidence of osteoporosis is, likewise, more greatly reduced when some horsetail is added to the diet. A few folk healers I'm aware of have recommended this herb to athletes who've suffered sprains, dislocated joints, pulled hamstrings or torn ligaments. Soft diffused light surrounds me, the smell of old wood and "our" scent, the one we've created together over the years, the smell you immediately recognize after coming home from a long vacation. Every night I come into this sanctuary, and it is mine, for now. Drink in one hand, pen in the other, I write. I've always been a writer. It reminds me of the pursuit of things that make me come alive. I've always been good at this, pursuing things I love at the sake of success or acknowledgement, you're looking at a girl that wrote thousands of poems, hundreds of songs and danced her heart out over a 10 year time frame in the confines of her bedroom, while the rest of her high school peers were getting drunk and sleeping around. I've always known myself, I've definitely gotten to know myself better, but I feel incredibly fortunate to have known for so long the core of myself. Hard times come and go and I feel stronger afterwards, not weaker. Life is very weird, we hang in this delicate balance of living and dying each and every day, and I can say with gusto that I have truly LIVED these last six years. NO regrets. My life feels full. Each and every time I get caught up in the idea that once I arrive somewhere else I will be happy, I am reminded of the constant transient nature of life. Happiness is a weird word, we attach it to things, and we wait for it to come. To me, happiness exists in a mind palace, not in a literal place. I've learned this as my own home has been a shanty, a shared existence and always less than ideal. I've had to find happiness somewhere else, somewhere within me instead of expecting the things around me to bring it. I've found it in the mystery of community, the good and the bad, the stationary and the movement. It is the culmination of living true to one's self. It's when we don't allow ourselves the freedom to do what we really want or be who we really are that we lose happiness. I LOVE to write, I LOVE to dance, I LOVE music, I LOVE friends, I LOVE warm fires, I LOVE good nutritious food…each and every day I try and incorporate these things into my life. What are the things that make you come alive? What are you waiting for? Do them. This next year looks like a lot of hard work for Johnny and I. But I don't want to lose that freedom, those moments of self care and self expression. You can work hard, make money, do the things you need to do and also allow your freedom to ring. So don't hold back, you only get one life. Live it up.
-Bailey Recipe:
Instructions: Use a Julienne Peeler (I use this ONE) to peel your zucchini into noodles. You can also peel one of your carrots this way if you'd like. Chop broccoli and other carrot and start cooking medium heat in coconut oil. Add 1/4 cup water to steam and cover. After 5 mins uncover and add in chopped pepper and onion. Cook for another 5 minutes uncovered. Add chopped mushrooms and cabbage. Continue cooking till mushrooms begin releasing their fluid. Put the Zucchini/Carrot Noodles in another pan on medium heat and cook covered for 5 mins and then uncovered for 5 mins. Add garlic and ginger to vegetables and cook for a few more mins then take of heat. Start making Peanut Sauce. Bring 1 cup of water to a boil in a sauce pan. Add 3/4 cup peanut butter, 1/4 coconut aminos and 1 TBS fish sauce. Stir sauce till it's well combined. Layer the vegetables on the noodles, pour peanut sauce over the top and add toppings. You can add your own flair to this with different vegetables and meat/seafood. |
Details
Bailey Patrice & Jonathan DavidCategories
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Date
December 2017
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