“Our true name: both wound and blessing”

When a moment comes to awaken us.

Our scattered possessions lit ablaze.

We wonder about the word.

That is our true name.

Stuck within the confines of society.

Where others define us each and every day.

Where assumptions name us.

And we know no other way.

Because this other way takes risk.

Risks we’re not willing to take.

But it we started small.

One risk per day.

We’d find ourselves grown.

Into our true name.

Which waits

To grow up.

And be given.

No one finds themselves by staying safe.

The hardest decisions I’ve made.

Have led me to the most indescribable places.

Spaces where I filled the room with truth.

And my true name: Liberate

Since I was a young one.

I wondered how I could save others.

An overwhelming surge of emotions.

That ended up locking me in a room.

Because no one ever knew.

Of my yearnings.

I learned to let my words pour on pages

Hoping someday maybe.

They’d be shared out loud.

Lived out proudly.

Shouting.

I was born to liberate.

I was born to rip out the pages.

Of well respected books.

Set fire to the “rules”.

Break down stereotypes.

Like cardboard boxes to be recycled.

And I’m not saying that I’m the only one.

We all have this word.

The one that has followed us throughout the years.

Whispered in our ears.

But it seems we’re too scared.

To let is speak.

And yet, we hate to see the world grow cold.

Our ever present knowing.

Of all that needs to change.

And it may sound cliché’.

But we are that change.

When we take risks.

And let our true name.

Scream.

For me, this word

Is LIBERATE.

Why do we lead such stressful lives? We seem to gather our meaning from being busy. Honestly, I've never been this person, I've organized my life in such a way that I don't have to be busy. I also never wanted to be in debt. It seems we are a busy, in debt, unhappy culture and we live our true lives on the weekends. I've also  been content not attending "college" but every time someone asks me if I have a degree or what college I am learning Nutrition through I have to tell them that I didn't go to college and that my Nutrition course is a certification; this usually leaves an awkward pause in the conversation where I know they are internally questioning of the validity of my life. I wish we didn't define people by how much they work, how much money they make and where they got a degree. I've successfully run my own floral design business for 5 years, learned plant medicine at The School of Traditional Western Herbalism and in October I will be a certified Nutritional Therapist. And guess what; I am in zero debt. 

Let me segway into something else. Lately, I have felt overwhelmed, it happens every summer in high wedding season. Have you ever thought about what wedding vendors go through? For me, I am in a triple threat kind of situation, I've got my creativity on display to be scrutinized, I have to be organized and successfully run a business/keep track of documents and money, while having meetings, taking deposits, planning out details, ordering flowers at the right time, picking them up and then delivering all by myself. Lastly, I am dealing with the high emotions that run around weddings. TRIPLE THREAT. I am a creative, emotional person, not a businesswoman. I am dirty, hairy and covered in goat hair, I am not a fancy wedding florist. I get so stressed out by events sometimes that I wonder why I even do this job! I've had this feeling for over a year now…but I had to push forward. Don't get me wrong, I love floral design, I just don't like the stress of everything else that comes along with it. So, I think it's time. Johnny and I are buying land this year and moving out of Portland. We plan on starting a farm/retreat center and I will focus more on my Nutritional Therapy. 

So there you have it, I am phasing out of Forest & Field Floral Design. It feels good to say. I may start it back up when I can grow some of my own stuff on our property but for now, I am done. I'll be finishing out the rest of this wedding season and begin focusing on getting clients for Nutrition as well as doing some retreats and workshops. (this doesn't mean I won't consider doing some weddings, cause I definitely will.)

Let's lead lives that invigorate us. Let's lead lives that don't oppress others. Let's lead lives that aren't filled with stress and obligations. Let's be simple, let's be wild and free. 

People keep asking me how I overcame (am still overcoming) my allergies. I've shared half of my journey in a post HERE, but the journey continues. I feel like we live in a culture that expects immediate results, we don't want to work toward healing, we just want to be better now! I get it, I really do, I suffered immensely with my allergies but never took pharmaceuticals, I felt them fully. I'm sort of thankful for them actually. They were what finally pushed me towards Nutritional Therapy; as I shared in my first post the doctors gave me no hope and only prescribed cover ups like antihistamines and steroid nasal sprays. I wanted to truly heal, not cover it up. 

If you are an allergy sufferer have you ever wondered to yourself why your body is overreacting to harmless substances like pollen? I sure did, the list of things I was allergic to was extensive:

All Trees
All Weeds
Dust Mites
Some Molds

Basically a perfect cocktail that hit me every single season indoors or out. I couldn't escape them. As a florist, herbalist and lover of nature I was devastated, and angry. There was no way I was going to allow myself to live like this, so I pursued healing hard-core. Pursuing healing, by the way, can only be done hard-core, there is no half-assing. For real. People want that magic pill, and I'm here to say that it does not exist. What I am here to say is, YOU CAN DO IT! If you are suffering and unable to do the things you love you should be willing to give up some of your comforts. 

So, that said, I'll give you a quick run down of what can cause allergies.
Whether it's indoor, outdoor or food allergies they all have a similar foundation. If the terrain of your body is compromised, overly toxic and sick then you will react to anything and everything because your body is overwhelmed. This means that food allergies can actually directly cause your environmental allergies. This was really confusing for me cause I never had much digestive upset from anything I was eating but I was sneezing, my nose would run and my whole body was fatigued. You have to start at the base, with what you are putting into your body and how well you assimilate it. Here are a few things that could be going wrong:

Leaky Gut caused by food allergies: When we eat food we are allergic to it creates an immune response and cause inflammation. If we continue eating this food it will begin to damage our gut soon making what was suppose to be impermeable, permeable. This means food particles like proteins start leaking into the blood stream and our body attacks them as if they were invaders. When the body is constantly overwhelmed by this it can begin reacting to things in our environment as well. Hence the relationship to environmental allergies.
Leaky Gut caused by not chewing well enough: Leaky gut can also be caused by not eating in a relaxed state where we are chewing every bite 20-30 times. We can really mess up our digestion if we swallow big, un-chewed food, over time this damages our gut as well. We need to really be present when we are eating, especially in a culture that is known for eating on the go.
Leaky Gut caused by bacterial overgrowth in the gut: This one is what I believe caused my allergies. Your gut is a little city of bacteria and it has to be in a certain balance to be healthy. Sometimes bacteria that is always in your gut will start proliferating and get out of balance, in my case I believe it is a bacteria strain called H. Pylori. The blanket term for this condition is SIBO: small intestine bacterial overgrowth. Sometimes bacteria that is out of balance can also cause Leaky Gut, my little H. Pylori friends are corkscrew bacteria, that means they are drilling into my gut lining can causing it to be leaky. So, they've got to go! I am currently on a protocol with some intense herbs to rid myself of my little friends. A small amount of these bacteria in your gut is normal, you just don't want it to get out of balance.
Adrenal Fatigue: These days we have so much stress in our lives that our adrenals are tired out which is also a contribution to allergies. 

Healing these issues is not easy, and it takes a long time. If you've been bad to your body for 10 years you can't expect to get better in one year, but you can make some big changes in that time and start feeling better. I want everyone to feel the vitality I feel, I think this world would be a better place if we were all nutritional supported. Don't you? I wish I could give everyone an answer right here right now, but the truth is everyone is so different and I have to take bio individuality into account. 

I know not everyone reading this lives in the Pacific Northwest, so if you are far aways and want to know more about healing your whole body and in turn healing your allergies, I will be offering phone/skype consultations with a whole nutritional intake for $50. ($20 for intake, $30 for consult) I am not a certified Nutritional Therapist yet, not until October, but I have some things I can offer in the mean time. And if you'd like to wait till October that's fine too!

Email me: [email protected]

Can we trust our innate intelligence?

The small voice in our head

The angel on our shoulder

This internal compass that we have

If so

Why do we go so many different ways

Can you call something fate

When so filed with hate

And blatant disregard

For what other feel and face?

We take

Every opportunity to make ourselves known

To make our opinions heard

No matter how absurd

We let the words fall

From chapped lips

And forget that we know nothing

When it comes down to it

Just illusions

Man made contusions

Scholarly hallucinations

We paint the world

Then blaze it

Destroying everything in our wake

While saying

“I care”

No

This may be my own opinion

But

What ever happened to love?

True, un-adulterated, others-focused

Un-confined by scriptures

Human error

And “always being right”

Wendell Berry says it best,

“I come into the peace of wild things, who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water and feel above me the day-blind starts waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world and am free.”

Free? What does it feel like to be free?

Maybe it’s outside of the city

The dirty overflowing places

Where people make their wages

Allowing their lives to be overtaken

By meaningless work

Crammed together we begin to destroy one another

And the ground beneath our feet

Feeding into the lies of corporate greed

We too are slaves, you see

Why do we love the image of

Flying like a bird

Running through open fields

Singing when no one can hear us

Leaving on long journey’s

Being unbound

Light

And free

Let this freedom ring

Loud and clear

The world is dying

Why continue lying to yourself

Playing it safe

Doing things you hate

Let freedom ring

Live with intention

Let the small voice in your head

Become the driving force

That drives your agenda

Off a cliff

Let freedom ring