I got the call from Amanda, the lovely woman behind Oak & Cypress, last February...and what I mean by "the call" is I received the opportunity to do the largest job FOREST & FIELD had taken on thus far. It was a job that has amped up my confidence and my future vision for the business beyond what I could have imagined on my own. Sometimes we need to be handed a difficult task, overcome our fear, kick ass and then rise to higher and higher heights. I am forever grateful to Amanda for trusting me with this wedding.

Upon answering the phone, Amanda asks if I have any events booked for July 1st, which is 6 months away. I tell her that I actually have 2 events booked that day. She continues by saying she has a wedding that day she wants me to do florals for. Then she drops the bomb; it's Ryan Lewis's wedding.

For those of you who don't know who Ryan Lewis is check out his music here: Mackelmore & Ryan Lewis
My reaction was a mixture of shock, excitement and fear. Not only would this be the largest job I had taken on, but it would be just one of three weddings that weekend.

The prospect of pulling this off was daunting, but I couldn’t give up this opportunity.
After 8 years in business I was ready to leave behind my small scale operation and move on to larger things that might actually pay the bills! Not only that, but larger jobs mean I can design spaces that truly invigorate and inspire, which has always been my goal with floral design.

So, I needed to assemble a team.
I immediately call upon Metal+Moss, a floral design team that kicks ass, and ask if they want to jump on this train with me. They are down!

Over the next few months I meet with them many times to describe my vision for the weddings; we look at photos, go to the venues and talk about spatial design and setup, make spreadsheets and documents with inspiration, and so on. Meanwhile, I’m chatting with Amanda and planning a trip to see Ryan’s venue, which is hours away, and organizing all the details of traveling with flowers and hiring another team of florists nearby for that wedding.

3 Weddings.
1 Day.
2 Teams.

Meanwhile I am also planning other weddings before and after this particular weekend. There were definitely moments of panic and stress, but for the most part...I felt good about how things were moving along.

Finally, the week came. And here is how it went down...

Monday I get my studio ready, I fill all my buckets with water and then drive out to our property to forage for the hardy greens that last all week.
Tuesday Britlyn and Tanzie, from Metal+Moss meet up with me in the morning for another all day foraging adventure. We gather more greens and bring them back to the studio to prepare. I wish I would have gotten a photo of the forest that was erected in my space.
Wednesday Britlyn and Tanzie meet me at the flower market to buy all the flowers for the 3 events. My whole, massive truck bed was filled with boxes of flowers as well as Britlyn’s car. We head back to my studio where we meet my friend Bethany who’s helping us prep all the flowers. We carry box after box down the stairs, unpack them, strip their leaves, cut their stems and get them into water. It took us all day long! That evening we went over the designs for all the weddings and any last minute information Britlyn and Tanzie needed for the weekend.
Thursday at 7am Johnny and I head to the rental car company to get our huge box truck. Then we drive to the studio and load up all of Ryan's flowers, greens, hand built boxes and pedestals and all the other materials we needed. Then Johnny and I head off on a multiple hour trip to the venue. We arrive in the afternoon to unload and set up my work area. In the evening we head to the vendor Airbnb.
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Friday we’re up bright and early to start working. The floral team I hired from the area meets me on location and I give them a mock-up of the centerpieces to start busting out while I work on bouquets. By the end of this day we have all the centerpieces done, all the personal flowers and any other vase arrangements. We spend the lateevening back at the Airbnb with all the lovely vendors including Oak & Cypress and Sean & Melanie Flanigan.
Saturday we’re up bright and early again and ready to start all the installation pieces. Meanwhile I am in contact with Britlyn and Tanzie about how the other two weddings are shaping up. They’ve hired an additional 7 people to pull of the set up back in Portland! Which turned out amazing, by the way! At Ryan’s wedding we have a large aisle installation including two riser boxes, 8 aisle boxes and an arbor. We also had a huge DJ backdrop installation. The centerpieces also needed to be placed right before the ceremony started so they didn't sit in the sun. Everything went off without a hitch and we were able to stick around for the whole evening and enjoy what we had created.

When you pull off something of this magnitude, it moves you. What you once thought wasn't possible has been done...and you see yourself in a whole new way. I earned a new level of respect for my self. It also solidified my desire to do larger scale events where I'm creating more "art" rather than typical wedding designs. It reminded me of what my vision for this has always been yet I've been scared to carry it out. Well, maybe it's perfect timing to post this on the first day of 2018. Time to implement those visions.

​As I approach my 30's I feel an intense sloughing off of old beliefs and expectations. A lot of people have told me their 30's were their favorite time because they had finally let go of insecurities and pressure from the outside world. They were also young enough to not feel buckets of regret about it.

It is the Sweet Spot. For some.

When I'm feeling stressed out it's good for me to evaluate where the expectations are coming from. And on a larger scale, what is my model of the world? What do I believe HAS to happen in order for me to feel fulfilled? In the past I had quite the list:

Serve others first and forego my own comfort.
Make every action directed toward helping others.
Create businesses that help others.
Don't follow your dreams because they may not "help others."
Push down your desires because they are selfish.
Don't be a consumer.
Only support local or grow your own food.
Share your space, time and money with people who need it.

Unfortunately, this list destroyed me. I became burnt out, angry, poor, sick and unfulfilled. I used to watch movies about Saint Francis of Assisi for life inspiration. We had friends who were living on the streets, friends who didn't have food. We were trying to live in solidarity and provide a space for everyone to use at their need.

I think a lot of my frustration came when I realized after all those years of "giving" myself, money, time and energy...there was no climax, no thanks...and Johnny and I were left with the realization that we weren't set up for adult life. We had to continue trading our comfort to move forward, to buy our land. And even now, as we approach two years since buying it, we are no where closer to moving.

This isn't a pity party. Johnny and I are very good at rising to an occasion and slaying it. We literally dream and scheme every single day. But something needs to change. The tiny house we built wasn't made for the long term...and I still don't have a shower. (haha) You could say, "just move into an apartment." But that feels like a soul crusher to me. Especially since we've been trying to move out of Portland. That would keep us here longer.

On the bright side, we have begun allowing ourselves to play and adventure more. We got married as children yet we took on so much crap. We're trying to view this time of life as a re-do of our early 20's. I started Pole Dancing again, Johnny is surfing and snowboarding. I have kept my model of wanting to be of service to other people but now it is in the form of wellness coaching.

(Speaking of that! I have a retreat for women coming up in November: Blue Ocean Retreat)

Our goal, now, is to not push ourselves toward the property if it's not happening. We've sacrificed a lot of our joy over the years and I don't want to do that again. Money is always the issue, for a lot of us, and we continue to dream up ways of making more and providing more value to people in the process.

Ultimately we want to develop the property and provide a space for people to come stay, our intentions are still focused on giving and sharing with others, but at this rate it will be another 5 years. So...we're at a cross road. And we've thrown around a lot of options. No decision has been made but we are always open to taking the ideas and thoughts from others who have experiences to share.

My new model:

Pursue what brings you joy.
When you feel joy you will be more able to give to others.
You will be in a resourceful state to solve problems.
Don't let "shoulds" rule your life.
Life has a way of throwing you curve balls.
Live open minded, with and open heart and open hands.
Ride the wave. (now that I've surfed I know how intense, scary and epic this really is)

I don't always get to wild harvest the medicine I make. But when I do...it's incredible. I should also say...empowering. St. John's Wort is one of those herbs. It's known to bring light into people's lives. This is especially important for those of us who have long winters. St. John's Wort is the perfect sidekick to a diet rich in vitamin D for those dark months. 

I am happy to say that my harvest and medicine making is now complete! Head over to my Store to purchase a bottle for yourself!

(but please scroll down and read the contraindications for this herb...it cannot be mixed with pharmaceuticals)

The Eclipse was one of the most comforting moments of my life thus far. If you didn't get to experience it in Totality I hope I can shed some light...or...I guess darkness on what the experience was like so we may all go into this next chapter feeling invigorated by it's occurance.

We all know that feeling. When our whole body tingles with emotion.
When we watch two people who deeply love one another commit their lives to each other.
When a baby is born.
When we hear that song.
When we we're far away from city lights, laying under an epic amount of stars.
When we re-count the beauty of someone's life after they've passed.
When we feel truly seen and known by another.
When we re-connect with our truest self.

The Eclipse brought forth these feelings. The whole sun was blocked out, darkness descended quickly and the temperature dropped. A ring, brighter than anything I have ever seen in my life, pierced the daytime darkness. Our whole group reacted with strong emotions, speechlessness and tears. 

It reminded me that life is a journey of discoveries. Each year I am blown away by something new.
So many of us close ourselves off from these experiences. We don't need an Eclipse to have them in abundance. It was just one of those moments that humbles and inspires us.

In the moment of Totality, I returned to my roots. I allowed myself to be shocked, surprised, blown away. I allowed myself to cry (as if I could even hold it back) and feel that indescribable comfort. I felt as if I was transported to another world. One where all my fears and worries disappeared into that darkness. I was at full peace. Time no longer mattered, problems no longer lingered in my mind. I was wiped blank. I relinquished my control, realizing life is much more magical than our minds can comprehend. We always try to comprehend everything...and in that moment I just surrendered. 

We've made leaps and bounds as humans, but we still can't stop the moon from blocking out the sun. We still can't stop ourselves from dying. But if dying is anything like the eclipse felt, then it's all okay. That was the comfort I found in Totality. And that comfort is ours if we pause and watch nature, the stars and the universe swirl around us in it's epic beauty. 

Living with wonder replaces living with hate or despair.
Living with wonder humbles our running lips and leaves us speechless when no words are needed.
Living with wonder unites all people.

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The Eclipse is also a sign of new beginnings. What are your intentions for the coming months and years? I want be out in nature more often, pause more frequently, practice gratitude and wonder, remembering that as long as I am pursing what I know to be true within me that everything will be okay. And ultimately, to approach life with more curiosity and less fear.
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FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: My groups reaction to the Eclipse
FYI. There is cussing in this video...because...damn...nothing was held back. 

My deepest motivation is looking at the world around me with curiosity, accepting that it is mysterious to me, yet I am a part of it. And when I look at myself I realize I am just as mysterious. No one knows the inner workings of the universe, the spiritual planes, or why we experience this life. But for me, I've wanted to experience it as deeply as I can, I've wanted to know what my body and mind are capable of and experience a health and vitality that rages. I've wanted to play along with our emotional evolution and be at the forefront of psychological excellence. 

Why?
Because this is what is in front of me!

We spend so much of our lives either chasing after things at the expense of ourselves or our present moments. We lie in ditches of depression and anxiety controls our minds. We are wounded, yes, but not dead. 

I want to train my body and mind for resiliency. I want to heal and let go, heal and let go, heal and let go. I don't want to spend another day plagued with anxiety or fear. I don't want to feel good...I want to feel incredible.

​I have this theory, that the human body and mind need discomfort in order to ​thrive. Something I use really often in Wellness Coaching is this idea that we have 6 Basic Human Needs that we need to fulfill. All of us will try to fulfill them in different ways and some of them are more important to us than others. The problem is, some of us fulfill them in negative ways. The road to joy and health is learning to meet these needs in positive ways. 

The 6 Human Needs are:
Love/Connection
Significance
Certainty
Variety
Growth
Contribution

The two I wanted to focus on today are Growth and Variety.
The reason being, Growth and Variety both require an amount of discomfort to fulfill.
Those of us who have a high need for Certainty will have a harder time stepping out into that unknown.

Every day I am able to use the 6 Human Needs to find out how I am doing. When I'm feeling down or in a place I don't like I will pull out a journal and look at all the ways I am fulfilling my needs in that moment, positive and negative.

VARIETY

Variety - The need for stimulus and change 

For example, I might be meeting a lot of my needs but then come across Variety and realize that I've felt really bored in my life lately, my routine has been monotonous and I have been sitting way too much. Variety can be emotional variety like calling an old friend to meet up for coffee, it can be physical Variety, like taking a walk or working out, it can be a large thing like planning a vacation. If we don't fill our need for Variety with these good things then ultimately we will seek out other destructive ways, like drugs, heavy drinking...adrenaline junkie activities, etc. We HAVE to meet the first 4 needs so it's good to evaluate how you're meeting them at any given time and replace the bad habits with good versions that meet the same need. The needs for Growth and Contribution aren't met by everyone, but these are the needs that create true joy in your life.

A few activities that I enjoy for Variety:
Cold Showers/Baths and Sauna: Pushing our limits with body temperature is really good for us. So not only does it meet our need for Variety, a very primal need for variety, it benefits our immune system, increases our ability to withstand harsh temperatures, detoxes, improves circulation, etc. Taking a cold shower or bath can also shock us out of a mindset or pattern. When you're feeling anxious, circling thoughts or anger, go jump into a cold shower and see what happens. You've seen it in the movies where someone is getting angry and they dump cold water on their head, right?
Exercise: There is nothing better than getting out and moving. Whenever I've been sitting too long or start feeling anxious I get out of my house and find some way to move my body. Sometimes it's as simple as a walk. Other times it's dancing...because dancing is the best. Getting up and working out is uncomfortable...but the benefits abound.
Meeting up with a Friend: If am alone with my thoughts for too long it's nice to get out and connect with a friend, this will also meet my need for Love/Connection and possibly a lot of my other needs depending on the friend and conversation. There is discomfort when opening up to someone, but ultimately Growth comes from it.
Going on a long Trip: We all know the feeling of getting out of our day to day routine by taking a trip. This is an excellent way to bring variety into your life and have something to look forward to. I recommend having at least one big trip planned every year. We went to South Africa a few years back and were out of our comfort zone much of the time, which gave us a lot of epiphanies. 

Some other thoughts on GROWTH:
We will always experience some amount of Discontent. It exists as a source of motivation to keep you growing. Same goes for Discomfort, we won't change until the discomfort of staying the same is worse than the discomfort that would come from changing. Sometimes it's time to move into a new stage of life, push past our fears and dive into a little discomfort. When people tell me they are unable to succeed in some area or that they want to change but don't know how I usually start with asking them how comfortable they are with discomfort. We NEED discomfort. Our bodies thrive with discomfort. 

Metaphorically and literally, if we stay in an air-conditioned room all summer and and heated room all winter, never allowing ourselves to be uncomfortable then we will be ill prepared for life, lacking in energy, excitement and growth, and unable to achieve our goals and feel truly alive.

HOW ARE YOU PRACTICING DISCOMFORT IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW?

I've always desired to be more encouraging, more uplifting to the people around me. It's not that I don't think people are great...it's just that I tend to keep those thoughts in my head.

I am so drawn to emotionally connecting with people but have had to work hard at overcoming my adversion to true emotional vulnerability. It can tend to seem like the character quality we desire the most in ourselves is the hardest one for us to cultivate. But it can be done through repetition!

What is the quality that you want to develop in yourself?
For the next week I am going to compliment or uplift every person I come in contact with.
My hope is that it will become habit.

Join me in practicing your desired quality every day for the next week.
I will check in next Wednesday with my stories. I hope to hear some of yours!

Be Wild. Be Well.
-Bailey